Aware of Angels // Comparing Trials
Bear with me.
I have a lot of thoughts and stories running through my head right now about this topic, so hopefully I can adequately write down everything I'd like to. So first off, since part of the title of this post is "Aware of Angels" I thought it would be appropriate to explain exactly what that is.
If you have explored my blog at all, (even though there's not much to explore right now), you might have noticed that there is a tab on the left side. If you open this tab up, you'll see I have three links there. The first link takes you to the official website for Aware of Angels, so go check it out when you're done reading this!
Aware of Angels is a non-profit organization that was started by Season Atwater in July of 2014. They raise awareness for kids and teens who have rare or undiagnosed diseases. Since it's based out of Utah, the majority of the photography has been done within the state, but there have been a few families who have traveled from California and Arizona just to have photo shoots done! (That's how awesome Season is.) These photos have been shared all around the internet on multiple blogs and websites. Aware of Angels has done photo shoots for over 60 individuals with a genetic or undiagnosed disorder!
So basically, they are the bomb.
Here's the story of how I got in touch with Aware of Angels:
I was scrolling through Facebook one day a couple months after I was diagnosed and I saw a post from this page called Aware of Angels. I had never heard of them and the only reason I saw this post was because I had a few friends who had shared it. The post said something like,
"Looking for kids or teens located in Utah to do a photo shoot for the Rare Disease Day! If you or someone you know has a rare, genetic, or undiagnosed disease, message us!"
Okay so that's probably not even close to what it actually said...but you get the point. I was WAY excited when I saw this post for a couple of reasons.
I had never participated in a photo shoot before. I mean, I've done the classic family pictures taken at JCPenney's where mom makes everyone wear dresses and white shirts & ties and the only reason none of us are crying is because we were promised a Happy Meal afterwards if we smiled. But I don't really think that counts. Every girl wants to feel pretty and every girl wants pretty pictures of herself from a good, real photo shoot!!!
But the main reason I wanted to be apart of this was because of how lost I felt.
I was 17 years old. I'm pretty sure I was one of the only ones in my school with a tumor problem. And I know I was the only one with von Hippel-Lindau. Having a rare disease is a very lonely thing to deal with, and it's even harder as a teenager. While my friends would complain about something their boyfriend's said, I was worried about what my latest MRI reports were going to say. I would hear people complain about how their hair looked bad that day, and all I could think about was how much hair I was missing from my last brain surgery. While the other seniors in my class complained about how many assignments they had to do that night, I wondered if my headaches would stop long enough for me to actually try and finish my assignments.
It was hard to relate to anyone and have a regular conversation about my issues without freaking them out. It's not a normal thing for friends to hear their friend talk about brain tumors.
So yes, I felt lost. And confused. And alone.
I thought that maybe by connecting with this group of other people who were close to my age and could relate to my situation, it would help me to not feel so alone. I could actually be a part of something that could help me figure out how to deal with all of this.
So on this post, I tagged my mom so she could see it and we could talk about it together. When she got home from work that day, I asked if she saw it. She said, "You know the lady who does those photo shoots is Lindsey's aunt?"
Lindsey is my sister-in-law. Season Atwater is Lindsey's aunt. Small world, right?
I texted Lindsey and she messaged Season and within a few weeks we were at Utah Lake taking pictures! Season took so many beautiful pictures and I was featured on the Aware of Angels website so anyone who came across it would at least know the name 'von Hippel-Lindau'.
In March 2017, a couple months after my photoshoot, I received an email inviting me to a reception that was going to be held at a place in Salt Lake City called Recursion Pharmaceuticals. At first I thought it was just a spam email since I had never heard of that company and didn't know why they would be inviting me to a reception, but then the email mentioned that they had teamed up with Aware of Angels. They had taken 18 pictures of the Angels that Season had photographed over the years and made a huge display in their office, and my picture was one of them!
My parents and I drove up to the reception that night to see the wall of photos. It was an amazing night and I was able to meet other people who shared similar struggles as me. It was so therapeutic to be able to talk to these inspiring fighters who, for the most part, had been dealing with these diseases their entire lives.
Now I'm going to get a little personal here.
The more I talked with these other families and heard their crazy medical stories and learned of their lifelong struggles, the more I did not want to be there. I kept thinking that I didn't deserve to be there.
My struggles did not even begin to compare with the struggles of the other fighters in that room. I hadn't even been dealing with my disease for a year yet, and most of these families never knew a life without struggle and hardship. I felt embarrassed to have my picture up on that wall next to those amazing, inspiring, strong children.
I held back tears on the drive home. I wanted to call that company and beg them to take my picture down. I wanted to text Season and ask her to take me off her website. I wanted to track down every single family that had a picture on that wall and apologize to them.
I've thought a lot about that night and about the feelings I was having and you know what? THOSE FEELINGS WERE SO SILLY. I use the word 'silly' because its a lot nicer than the other words I would use. It took me a long time to figure it out, but comparing trials is never something you should do. Comparison in general is rarely a good thing.
(Unless you're like...comparing different pizza places to decide which is best...then that is a good thing.)
But just because I haven't been dealing with my disease as long as others have, or just because my situation is different than someone else's, doesn't make it any less significant. It doesn't mean that I don't deserve to feel bad for myself sometimes or complain a little bit. It doesn't mean that what I'm going through isn't hard for me.
The point I'm trying to make is: just because my trials may seem worse than yours, doesn't mean your trials are not valid. And just because someone else's trials may seem worse than mine, doesn't mean my trials are not valid.
EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS TRIALS AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON DEALS WITH HARD THINGS.
So please, stop comparing. Don't let what someone else is going through make you feel inadequate. Your trials are real and they are relevant and they have made you the person you are today. So stay strong and keep fighting and go ahead and cry a little if you need to.
(But let me know first so I can come cry with you because crying is good.)
❤ / Mickey
I have a lot of thoughts and stories running through my head right now about this topic, so hopefully I can adequately write down everything I'd like to. So first off, since part of the title of this post is "Aware of Angels" I thought it would be appropriate to explain exactly what that is.
If you have explored my blog at all, (even though there's not much to explore right now), you might have noticed that there is a tab on the left side. If you open this tab up, you'll see I have three links there. The first link takes you to the official website for Aware of Angels, so go check it out when you're done reading this!
Aware of Angels is a non-profit organization that was started by Season Atwater in July of 2014. They raise awareness for kids and teens who have rare or undiagnosed diseases. Since it's based out of Utah, the majority of the photography has been done within the state, but there have been a few families who have traveled from California and Arizona just to have photo shoots done! (That's how awesome Season is.) These photos have been shared all around the internet on multiple blogs and websites. Aware of Angels has done photo shoots for over 60 individuals with a genetic or undiagnosed disorder!
So basically, they are the bomb.
Here's the story of how I got in touch with Aware of Angels:
I was scrolling through Facebook one day a couple months after I was diagnosed and I saw a post from this page called Aware of Angels. I had never heard of them and the only reason I saw this post was because I had a few friends who had shared it. The post said something like,
"Looking for kids or teens located in Utah to do a photo shoot for the Rare Disease Day! If you or someone you know has a rare, genetic, or undiagnosed disease, message us!"
Okay so that's probably not even close to what it actually said...but you get the point. I was WAY excited when I saw this post for a couple of reasons.
I had never participated in a photo shoot before. I mean, I've done the classic family pictures taken at JCPenney's where mom makes everyone wear dresses and white shirts & ties and the only reason none of us are crying is because we were promised a Happy Meal afterwards if we smiled. But I don't really think that counts. Every girl wants to feel pretty and every girl wants pretty pictures of herself from a good, real photo shoot!!!
But the main reason I wanted to be apart of this was because of how lost I felt.
I was 17 years old. I'm pretty sure I was one of the only ones in my school with a tumor problem. And I know I was the only one with von Hippel-Lindau. Having a rare disease is a very lonely thing to deal with, and it's even harder as a teenager. While my friends would complain about something their boyfriend's said, I was worried about what my latest MRI reports were going to say. I would hear people complain about how their hair looked bad that day, and all I could think about was how much hair I was missing from my last brain surgery. While the other seniors in my class complained about how many assignments they had to do that night, I wondered if my headaches would stop long enough for me to actually try and finish my assignments.
It was hard to relate to anyone and have a regular conversation about my issues without freaking them out. It's not a normal thing for friends to hear their friend talk about brain tumors.
So yes, I felt lost. And confused. And alone.
I thought that maybe by connecting with this group of other people who were close to my age and could relate to my situation, it would help me to not feel so alone. I could actually be a part of something that could help me figure out how to deal with all of this.
So on this post, I tagged my mom so she could see it and we could talk about it together. When she got home from work that day, I asked if she saw it. She said, "You know the lady who does those photo shoots is Lindsey's aunt?"
Lindsey is my sister-in-law. Season Atwater is Lindsey's aunt. Small world, right?
I texted Lindsey and she messaged Season and within a few weeks we were at Utah Lake taking pictures! Season took so many beautiful pictures and I was featured on the Aware of Angels website so anyone who came across it would at least know the name 'von Hippel-Lindau'.
 |
| Aware of Angels |
In March 2017, a couple months after my photoshoot, I received an email inviting me to a reception that was going to be held at a place in Salt Lake City called Recursion Pharmaceuticals. At first I thought it was just a spam email since I had never heard of that company and didn't know why they would be inviting me to a reception, but then the email mentioned that they had teamed up with Aware of Angels. They had taken 18 pictures of the Angels that Season had photographed over the years and made a huge display in their office, and my picture was one of them!
 |
| Season Atwater speaking at Recursion Pharmaceuticals |
My parents and I drove up to the reception that night to see the wall of photos. It was an amazing night and I was able to meet other people who shared similar struggles as me. It was so therapeutic to be able to talk to these inspiring fighters who, for the most part, had been dealing with these diseases their entire lives.
Now I'm going to get a little personal here.
The more I talked with these other families and heard their crazy medical stories and learned of their lifelong struggles, the more I did not want to be there. I kept thinking that I didn't deserve to be there.
My struggles did not even begin to compare with the struggles of the other fighters in that room. I hadn't even been dealing with my disease for a year yet, and most of these families never knew a life without struggle and hardship. I felt embarrassed to have my picture up on that wall next to those amazing, inspiring, strong children.
I held back tears on the drive home. I wanted to call that company and beg them to take my picture down. I wanted to text Season and ask her to take me off her website. I wanted to track down every single family that had a picture on that wall and apologize to them.
I've thought a lot about that night and about the feelings I was having and you know what? THOSE FEELINGS WERE SO SILLY. I use the word 'silly' because its a lot nicer than the other words I would use. It took me a long time to figure it out, but comparing trials is never something you should do. Comparison in general is rarely a good thing.
(Unless you're like...comparing different pizza places to decide which is best...then that is a good thing.)
But just because I haven't been dealing with my disease as long as others have, or just because my situation is different than someone else's, doesn't make it any less significant. It doesn't mean that I don't deserve to feel bad for myself sometimes or complain a little bit. It doesn't mean that what I'm going through isn't hard for me.
The point I'm trying to make is: just because my trials may seem worse than yours, doesn't mean your trials are not valid. And just because someone else's trials may seem worse than mine, doesn't mean my trials are not valid.
EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS TRIALS AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON DEALS WITH HARD THINGS.
So please, stop comparing. Don't let what someone else is going through make you feel inadequate. Your trials are real and they are relevant and they have made you the person you are today. So stay strong and keep fighting and go ahead and cry a little if you need to.
(But let me know first so I can come cry with you because crying is good.)
❤ / Mickey
@season.atwood.photography is beautiful inside and out. Her work is amazing! She is amazing!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post Kaela! Comparison IS one of my major struggles. Thank you for posting this, and thank you for being so amazing! Love you!
ReplyDeleteYou are so wise for one so young! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. And, you are so right, comparing yourself to others is never a good thing. I've learned that all I can do is look where I was and where I am now and rejoice in the progress and strength I've gained. Keep up the good fight my dear girl!!!
ReplyDelete